Susan Steade, The Mercury News Journalist Profile

Articles

Dear Abby: My mom finally wants to get to know my kids. It’s too late.

2 weeks ago | mercurynews.com | Susan Steade

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of six and a grandma to four. We are a close family and enjoy each other’s company. My mom is nearly 80. For reasons I could never understand, she didn’t enjoy my children when they were growing up and didn’t connect deeply with them. She once commented to me that she was bored with women her age because they were “obsessed” with their grandchildren and she wanted deeper conversations. Mom moved away and would mostly visit just for holidays and birthdays.
Harriette Cole: Don’t you see the boyfriend’s secret home as a huge red flag?

2 weeks ago | mercurynews.com | Susan Steade

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love your column, but I do want to comment on your letter to “Off-Limits,” whose boyfriend of two months wouldn’t show her his home. While your response was good, I don’t think it went far enough. If she sat him down and told him her concerns, I think the odds are low that he would open up with her and be honest — and, no matter what he told her, how could she really know if he was being honest?
Miss Manners: The bride’s father is making dismaying wedding decisions

Feb 6, 2025 | mercurynews.com | Susan Steade

The bride-to-be’s father, a very nice man, announced that he would be paying for the wedding “as is tradition” in order to help the couple, as they are still just starting their careers. I told him that it was generous of him to offer, but that having the father of the bride foot the entire bill for the wedding was outdated, and asked him what expenses I could pick up. He told me tradition states I should host the rehearsal dinner, to which I agreed.
Miss Manners: The bride’s father is making dismaying wedding decisions

Feb 6, 2025 | flipboard.com | Susan Steade

14 hours ago"Have you ever walked into a space and thought to yourself, 'A man designed this?'" Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by one of these bad boys. Oh, wow, everyone's hands are raised?! It looks luxurious at first, of course — a shower that mimics rainfall by having the shower head …
Asking Eric: I love my husband but the way we live is dangrous

Jan 21, 2025 | sacbee.com | Susan Steade

Dear Eric: I am a happily married gay man. My husband and I are retired, and we both love to spend our time shopping at thrift stores and antique shops. We each believe the other has a hoarding problem. I believe that we both do, but to varying degrees. Our home has become so full that we only have paths to go from one room to another. Stacks of boxes and bags and collections surround the paths. Despite this, I attempt to clean and vacuum this house, mostly on my own.
I love my husband but the way we live is dangrous

Jan 21, 2025 | mercurynews.com | Susan Steade

We each believe the other has a hoarding problem. I believe that we both do, but to varying degrees. Our home has become so full that we only have paths to go from one room to another. Stacks of boxes and bags and collections surround the paths. Despite this, I attempt to clean and vacuum this house, mostly on my own. My husband’s solution is to box and stack things in the basement. This is how he believes he is helping around the house.
Asking Eric: I’m always in second place to whomever he’s dating

Jan 10, 2025 | mercurynews.com | Susan Steade

This friend disappears fully into relationships with people who aren’t good to him, and it’s impossible to get him to respond to invitations to hang out. After months of initiating plans, and rarely hearing back, I decided to take a step back from it due to incredible initiation fatigue. He will occasionally call me and say he misses me and wants to grab lunch. When we do that, it’s so one-sided; he vents about his terrible relationship du jour, and then the check comes, and I haven’t said a word.
Given her history, is the bride allowed to wear white?

Dec 31, 2024 | mercurynews.com | Susan Steade

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a close friend who is getting married, for the third time. In between her marriages, she has had lengthy relationships with other men. I’m OK with all of that, except for one thing: She is treating this third marriage and its ceremony as if it’s her first. She is planning on wearing a traditional white wedding dress, despite the fact that she has two grown children from the other marriages.
Asking Eric: We’re getting extreme family backlash to our birthday rules

Aug 27, 2024 | mercurynews.com | Susan Steade

We would encourage donations to their 529 accounts or “experiences.” We still intend to have birthday parties with decorations and a cake. To us, giving gifts on specific days makes them seem obligatory, and even well-behaved children come to learn to expect them. We would prefer to give gifts throughout the year and attribute it to signs of maturity. We are facing extreme backlash from family members.
Dear Abby: Now he says he won’t be my protector on the wedding trip

Aug 24, 2024 | mercurynews.com | Susan Steade

DEAR ABBY: Should I be mad at the father of my unborn child for not coming with me to travel out of the country? We found out only recently that I am pregnant, and by the time my cousin’s wedding comes around, I’ll be five months along. My family will be going, but they already booked their flights, which are now sold out, so I will have to travel pregnant and alone in Mexico.