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Spidey Sense Fails To Detect Pyramid Scheme

1 week ago | hard-drive.net | Nick Coffman

NEW YORK — The once amazing Spider-Man has reportedly started moonlighting as a salesman for multi-level marketing company and creator of Cutco Knives, Cutco Corporation. Residents all over New York were shocked to find the web crawler knocking on their doors last week offering them a chance to sell knives with their very own starter kit. “Freaking Spider-Man, at my door?
Report: Final Fantasy Themed Orgy Ruined by 100% Cid Turnout

2 weeks ago | hard-drive.net | Nick Coffman

IOWA CITY, Iowa — What was supposed to be a fun night of magicka and love making ended in disaster when a local Final Fantasy themed orgy was attended exclusively by Cid cosplayers. Thomas Figg, horny party host and the only person not dressed as some version of Cid, shared his disappointment with local news stations. “I thought this would be a good way to meet fellow Final Fantasy fans,” Figg said, wearing his Neo Bahamut cosplay. “I thought I’d meet a cute Yuna cosplayer or a Tifa.
Is Gears of War the Next Sonic? The Pregnant Marcus Fenix I Just Drew Thinks So

3 weeks ago | hard-drive.net | Nick Coffman

Xbox gamers upset over Gears of War leaping over to the PlayStation, I come to soothe your pain. Forget the fact that more people are going to enjoy an updated version of the original. The end of Gear’s console exclusivity puts Marcus, Dom, and the rest of Cog in the good company of Sega and Sonic the Hedgehog. Don’t believe me? Look at this pregnant Marcus Fenix I just drew. The floodgates are open. The entire series is going to find its way to the PlayStation (and maybe even Switch 2).
Gamer Settles in After Long Day at Work to Watch Game Install Files

1 month ago | hard-drive.net | Brett McCabe

BIGFORK, Mont. — After working a full day shift at his pet food tasting job, resident Bartleby James likes to unwind by microwaving a TV dinner, resting on the couch, and watching a necessary update download and install on his PlayStation.
Team Cherry Hires George R. R. Martin to Help Wrap Up Silksong Development

1 month ago | hard-drive.net | Nick Coffman

ADELAIDE, South Australia — With the finish line for Hollow Knight: Silksong on the horizon, Team Cherry has brought on famed fantasy writer and lore connoisseur, George R.R. Martin, to write additional backstory for the game. Team Cherry Co-Director, Ari Gibson confirmed the new hire on a Twitch live stream earlier this week. “When it comes to lore, nobody beats George,” Gibson said, holding up his sticky note-covered copy of A Dance with Dragons with its spine worn down to the pages.
Ten AI Movie-Making Tips from a Guy Who Both Hates and Misunderstands Movies

1 month ago | hard-drive.net | Sean Fallon

Making movies is hard work and if there’s one thing a passion project shouldn’t be it’s difficult. Every artist worth their salt wishes they could slap together some images and sounds to make a movie rather than the tiresome business of “craft” or “talent”. As a tech guy working in Silicon Valley, I hate it when art gets in the way of commerce or if art makes me feel things or art that makes me think about my place in the world.
Kennedy Announces Ban on Most Mountain Dew Flavors

1 month ago | hard-drive.net | Nick Coffman

WASHINGTON — US Health Secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., announced a ban on all Mountain Dew flavors, except for Baja Blast earlier this week, as part of his ongoing war on sugar. His latest ban came during a heated news conference where Kennedy disparaged the soft drink’s variety of flavors. “You want to put something called ‘Code Red’ in your body, yet, I’m the crazy one,” Kennedy said to members of the press as they gulped down what remained of their newly banned favorite flavors.
Loved Sinners? Here’s 5 Other Pieces of Vampire Media You’ll Love by Old White Guys

1 month ago | hard-drive.net | Nick Coffman

Sinners blew the doors off of the box office this weekend and left its mark on Hollywood and movie goers alike. I had my issues with the film (it needed more Irish jigs and less cunnilingus). All that aside, Ryan Coogler’s vampiric period piece about appropriation and assimilation still dances around in my head and has me craving more vampire media. I saw my colleagues of the written word were making vampire recommendations and lists, so I thought I would too.
Popular Limited Series Comes Out as Anthology

1 month ago | hard-drive.net | Julien Perez

LOS ANGELES — “Hindenburg,” Netflix’s newest limited series about the infamous airship disaster, has come out as an anthology series. The surprise announcement comes on the heels of the hit show smashing ratings records. “I’m incredibly excited to reveal this side of Hindenburg,” said Rami Nasser, the sole creator and showrunner. “The chains of my shame have finally been broken. I no longer have to pretend Hindenburg was just telling the story about one disaster.
Entire Generation Priced Out of Home Ownership in Next Animal Crossing

1 month ago | hard-drive.net | Nick Coffman

ANIMAL VILLAGE — Following a dip in the Stalk Market where turnip prices hit an all time low, a new generation of villagers are struggling to keep up and are now being priced out of home ownership. Realtor and entrepreneur, Tom Nook, discussed the housing crisis in a recent town hall meeting. “The bell just doesn’t stretch as far as it used to, I’m afraid,” Nook said, prior to announcing a price increase to all Nook properties in the village.