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5 days ago | 
spokesman.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I remember growing up, when we had visitors who were new to our house, my mother would give them the “grand tour.” I now do that with all of my first-time visitors. I have, however, noticed that nobody else does this when I am a first-time visitor – making my initial query about the bathroom a little awkward. Did people stop showing their houses? Should I just begin and end the tour with “Here’s the bathroom”?
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3 weeks ago | 
adn.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to hear your opinion on whether or not using “Excuse me” can be rude. In my opinion, if I can see that a person’s activity will only take a minute, it is rude to say, “Excuse me,” and expect them to stop what they’re doing to allow me to accomplish my task. The proper thing to do, in my mind, is to patiently wait my turn. What do you think? GENTLE READER: It depends on the activity.
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1 month ago | 
mercurynews.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve started meeting a friend for the cheap breakfast special once a week at a diner. When we pay the bill at the counter, my friend always helps himself to five or six of the free lollipops next to the till. I find it embarrassing. Is there a way to ask him to stop without insulting him? GENTLE READER: Say, in a public voice as he takes the candy, “The orphans will be so pleased. But you know, we can buy lollipops.
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1 month ago | 
spokesman.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I had an amazing and intimate honeymoon in the Leeward Islands. In the spirit of the occasion, we booked first-class tickets for our flights. During boarding for the return leg, the flight attendant asked if we would like anything to drink. We requested champagne to commemorate a perfect week spent together. The attendant stated that they only had enough champagne for us each to order a glass, and that there wouldn’t be any more for the flight.
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2 months ago | 
mercurynews.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would be most grateful if you could provide guidance on how to graciously handle two common problems with email. 1. The response, “I never check that account.”What do we do when our correspondence goes into a black hole? A number of people have claimed that the message I sent went to an account that they never check. But they don’t offer a newer or better address. 2. Social correspondents writing from their work accounts.
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Mar 24, 2025 | 
mercurynews.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
I’m saying “Wear anything!” because we want it to be about celebrating his life more than mourning his death. I plan to wear white. Do you make a distinction between funerals and celebrations of life, or do you believe mourning prevails regardless? I am not criticizing; beliefs are beliefs. I guess I’m questioning my actions at a wobbly time. GENTLE READER: You raise an interesting question: Does a “celebration of life” require etiquette adjustments from a funeral, which it is increasingly replacing?
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Feb 20, 2025 | 
mercurynews.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
We provide items such as clothes, winter coats, shoes, infant formula, diapers and personal hygiene kits and also help with transportation (such as bus passes) and assistance with getting an apartment. Once someone is housed, we provide “startup kits” with kitchen items, bed linens, towels, etc., plus a grocery delivery service. All this is free. We also have a “free wall” that has odds and ends we have received as donations. This wall often includes gift cards.
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Jan 29, 2025 | 
adn.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife’s best friend from high school, “Nelly,” has become a very successful businesswoman. Each year, she will invite us to the fall fundraiser for the local performing arts society, which raises funds for local theater groups. She will buy a table of eight for this event and invite us to join her. The event has both silent and live auctions, and other opportunities to donate money, along with a meal and a short play from one of the theater groups the organization supports.
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Jan 27, 2025 | 
spokesman.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have taken note of repeat inquiries about how to deal with not being invited to a wedding – presumably, though not always in so many words, without being a jerk in return. I would like to point out that weddings have gotten exceedingly expensive and that couples simply cannot afford to invite everyone to the reception. In many cases, it is still the bride’s family who pays, and they may have to take on extensive debt to do so.
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Jan 21, 2025 | 
mercurynews.com | Judith Martin |Nicholas Martin |Jacobina Martin
I was exercising at 9 p.m., and the only other person there was a young, attractive woman, probably in her 40s. We exchanged pleasantries. When I was finished with my workout, I realized I did not feel comfortable leaving a young woman alone there at night. I was especially concerned about her walking out to her car by herself. After my workout, I sat on a bench near the door, waiting for her to finish so I could make sure she got to her car all right.
