The Hard Times

1 week ago | thehardtimes.net | Samuel Abraham

ST. LOUIS — An emotionally withdrawn mosh pit refused to open up despite the raw power of Swedish death metal band Amon Amarth’s performance at the Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre beckoning all to embrace feral ecstasy with reckless abandon, confirmed sources. “It’s just like, I feel like I don’t have the emotional capacity to begin a two-step right now,” a nervous concertgoer offered.

1 week ago | thehardtimes.net | Corey Montgomery

It’s been another week filled with the simultaneous loss of musical legends and our collective faith in humanity. They say music heals all, but lately we’ve just been using it to fill the silent voids within our workdays. Despite the dwindling medicinal properties of the medium, we all could use multiple distractions, so here’s six songs we kind of listened to this week while mostly just zoning out.

2 weeks ago | thehardtimes.net | Zack Zagranis

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Limp Bizkit superfan Dylan “Chuds” McKenzie pinpointed the exact day Fred Durst is referring to in the band’s hit single “Break Stuff,” something previously thought impossible by his fellow nu metal fans. “I was going over the lyrics and it hit me: what if Fred not wanting to wake up, the ‘he-said, she-said bullshit,’ and the threat of bodily harm with a chainsaw were all connected?

2 weeks ago | thehardtimes.net | Robert John Scucci

NASHVILLE — Veteran line cook Gerry Powell insisted on blaring music through his shattered iPhone 5 by placing it inside of a stainless steel cambro instead of streaming Spotify through an actual speaker, frustrated sources with tinnitus confirmed. “This is audio fidelity at its purest,” stated Powell while scrolling through his TIDAL playlists wearing a nitrile glove to avoid cutting his fingers on the screen. “I will not settle for Spotify’s juvenile bitrate when there are superior options.

3 weeks ago | thehardtimes.net | Rachel Hein

It’s Jacob’s mother’s birthday, and he wants you to know his mom is his whole world… His hero. His queen. His rock. His first love. His last love. His maker. Mama’s boys are categorically good people. They love women because they love their mom. This cannot be contested. “My mom was and still is a stunning beauty. A natural caretaker. She is the epitome of a woman. Unlike any other woman in the world. But most of all, she is selfless.” Jacob Jacobson wrote in a heartwarming tribute on Instagram on Sunday.