The Beaverton

The Beaverton is a mock news program that airs every Wednesday at 10 pm on Comedy, right before Full Frontal with Sam Bee. This show is based on the highly popular website TheBeaverton.com and presents fictional stories that carry significant weight, drawing inspiration from actual events, current cultural trends, and national news. Through its "fake news" approach, The Beaverton provides sharp commentary and critical insights into Canadian society, politics, and global issues.

National

English

Television Program

Outlet metrics

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Ranking

Global

#94166

Canada

#3706

News and Media

#276

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Articles

Man in movie theatre just needs to use his phone to send a quick text and read the complete works of Lucy Maud Montgomery

5 days ago | thebeaverton.com | Mark Hill

EDMONTON – As a hotly-anticipated blockbuster began playing in a packed theatre, 36-year-old Colin Schneider reassured his fellow moviegoers that he’d put his incredibly bright phone away just as soon as he finished reading hundreds of thousands of words by one of Canada’s most iconic writers.
Federal leaders stumble during debate’s steeplechase section

1 week ago | thebeaverton.com | Mark Hill

Federal leaders stumble during...
Mark Carney not sure what he has to do to alienate left-wing voters

1 week ago | thebeaverton.com | Luke Gordon Field

“How many times do I need to announce tax cuts or tell Palestinian activists to pound sand before you go back to the NDP?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Jocelyn Geddie) talk about Buttongate, the state of the race and the Debates, and why the Notwithstanding Clause is the Pringles of our Constitution. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the best thing to do if you’re being chased by the cops.
“Not All Billionaires!” says billionaire Mark Cuban

1 week ago | thebeaverton.com | Lindsay Ellis

Dallas, Texas —Amid growing concerns about the influence of the ultra-wealthy, billionaire Mark Cuban has issued a heartfelt plea via the jumbotron at the Dallas Mavericks stadium, “Not all billionaires!”On flyers that were handed out after the game, he made his case that not all billionaires are trying to dismantle society and install themselves as techno-feudal overlords; some are just hoarding wealth in a normal, totally relatable way.
Conservatives unveil new holding area for journalists attending Poilievre's rallies

2 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Luke Gordon Field

“Anyone who doesn’t talk about how big the crowds are in an erotic way goes in the Iron Maiden!” The Beaverton Weekly Report is back to cover all the top stories, from the tariffs to the election, with a lot of talk about The Fast & Furious in between.
Toyota stopped for speeding in historic first

2 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Derek Schultz

MISSISSAUGA, ON ― A local driver entered the history books today after being pulled over and ticketed for driving 6 km over the speed limit, despite being behind the wheel of a Toyota Corolla. Kennedy Meadows, the police officer who wrote the ticket, was thrilled. “I just feel so privileged to be part of such a groundbreaking event. Although in the moment, I was honestly kind of just questioning myself. Kept thinking this can’t be right, you know? A Toyota, speeding?
Ovechkin dedicates his record-breaking goal to the brave men and women bombing Ukrainian hospitals

2 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Mark Hill

NEW YORK CITY – Alexander Ovechkin has scored his 895th career goal, surpassing Wayne Gretzky’s record and making him first all-time among NHL superstars with terrible personal politics. Ovechkin, a man who’s repeatedly expressed strong public support for a murderous authoritarian while also being really good at hockey, dedicated his remarkable feat to all the Russian soldiers working hard to murder innocent Ukrainians.
Poilievre to boost numbers with women by encouraging them to ask their husbands if they can vote for him

3 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Luke Gordon Field

“If you ask nicely, maybe he’ll let you use the credit card this weekend too!” The Beaverton Weekly Report is making fun of the news once again. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) talk about the Conservatives’ lack of election strategy, Pierre Poilievre’s not at all creepy biological clock comments and how Canada’s retaliatory tariffs are getting real weird, real fast.
Man who calls his fantasy hockey team Big Stick Daddy enters 30th hour of planning your crushing defeat

3 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Mark Hill

TORONTO – According to sources embedded in your fantasy hockey pool, the player who goes by a crude double entendre is on the verge of issuing you such a humiliating defeat that you’ll lose all interest in ever playing again.
With Trump back in office, Greeks celebrate no longer being civilization that has fallen the furthest

3 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Derek Schultz

ATHENS, GREECE ― Following Trump’s inauguration and the steep decline in American character it represents, Greece is looking on with a mixture of horror and guilty relief, new polling suggests.