The Beaverton

The Beaverton is a mock news program that airs every Wednesday at 10 pm on Comedy, right before Full Frontal with Sam Bee. This show is based on the highly popular website TheBeaverton.com and presents fictional stories that carry significant weight, drawing inspiration from actual events, current cultural trends, and national news. Through its "fake news" approach, The Beaverton provides sharp commentary and critical insights into Canadian society, politics, and global issues.

National

English

Television Program

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Ranking

Global

#94166

Canada

#3706

News and Media

#276

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Articles

Danielle Smith demands referendum to separate measles from Albertans

1 week ago | thebeaverton.com | Mark Hill

EDMONTON – As Alberta suffers its worst measles outbreak since the 1980s, Premier Danielle Smith has called on Albertans to demand a better deal from the airborne disease. “As we all know, medical science has yet to find a way to prevent preventable diseases,” Smith told reporters.
Canada upsets Puerto Rico and Washington DC by cutting statehood line

1 week ago | thebeaverton.com | Lindsay Ellis

Washington DC – After months of Trump pontificating that Canada would make a great state, the US Department of the Interior has updated its “Statehood Waitlist.” Canada now has the top spot on the list while long-suffering territories Puerto Rico and Washington DC have been bumped down the list.
Poilievre declares Squatter's Rights over Stornoway House

2 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Luke Gordon Field

“As long as I don’t leave, you can’t kick me out. And fortunately I don’t have a job to go to anymore!” It’s our regularly scheduled election special. Brought to you by Henderson’s Trail Mix. Henderson’s Trail Mix: less candy, more trail! Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Megan MacKay) recap the highlights of election night, discuss the Liberals simultaneously over and underperforming with a Minority Government, and try to talk about Pierre Poilievre losing his seat without laughing too hard.
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2 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Leo Morgenstern
Panicking Poilievre purportedly planning political pivot pending poll performance

2 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Mark Hill

PETERBOROUGH – Present polls panicking Pierre Poilievre, proving poor political performance, privy pals pronounced. “Pah! Pesky plebs!” pouted Poilievre. “Perhaps people picture Pierre Poilievre pivoting past politics? Poilievre prefers prime parliamentarian!” Previously, Poilievre perfected populism. Present president perforated Pierre’s principal platform plank, politicos pontificated. Pending preferred Poilievre proclamations promising proficient production, public purportedly picking present PM.
Mark Carney pretty sure being PM will be as easy as this election campaign has been

2 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Luke Gordon Field

“I assume I’ll just show up and everything will unfold perfectly for me at all times right?” Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood and Diana McCallum) talk about the most Canadian reason to re-schedule a debate, right-wing influencers being terrified of pencils and how to get a burner phone if you’re travelling to the U.S. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers an even smugger way to tell people you’re running a marathon.
Man in movie theatre just needs to use his phone to send a quick text and read the complete works of Lucy Maud Montgomery

3 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Mark Hill

EDMONTON – As a hotly-anticipated blockbuster began playing in a packed theatre, 36-year-old Colin Schneider reassured his fellow moviegoers that he’d put his incredibly bright phone away just as soon as he finished reading hundreds of thousands of words by one of Canada’s most iconic writers.
Federal leaders stumble during debate’s steeplechase section

4 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Mark Hill

Federal leaders stumble during...
Mark Carney not sure what he has to do to alienate left-wing voters

4 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Luke Gordon Field

“How many times do I need to announce tax cuts or tell Palestinian activists to pound sand before you go back to the NDP?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Jocelyn Geddie) talk about Buttongate, the state of the race and the Debates, and why the Notwithstanding Clause is the Pringles of our Constitution. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the best thing to do if you’re being chased by the cops.
“Not All Billionaires!” says billionaire Mark Cuban

4 weeks ago | thebeaverton.com | Lindsay Ellis

Dallas, Texas —Amid growing concerns about the influence of the ultra-wealthy, billionaire Mark Cuban has issued a heartfelt plea via the jumbotron at the Dallas Mavericks stadium, “Not all billionaires!”On flyers that were handed out after the game, he made his case that not all billionaires are trying to dismantle society and install themselves as techno-feudal overlords; some are just hoarding wealth in a normal, totally relatable way.