The Borowitz Report

4 days ago | borowitzreport.com | Andy Borowitz |E. Jean Carroll

The Borowitz Report PodcastAndy Borowitz hosts short interviews with notable people in the news. Andy Borowitz hosts short interviews with notable people in the news.

1 week ago | borowitzreport.com | Andy Borowitz

Their first kiss was in the laundry room of a hostel. It was 2010, and Jewel Lazaro was road-tripping through British Columbia before starting community college in her hometown, Seattle. She was assigned several roommates at a Vancouver hostel, one of them an intriguing Irishman. Seth Colchester was dark haired and blue eyed, and seemed to know a little about everything. He’d grown up surrounded by sheep and cows on an organic farm, but was working as a deejay in Spain, he told Jewel.

1 week ago | borowitzreport.com | Andy Borowitz

About 5,000 in Roseville, CA. More in Sacramento. There were some clever signs:Trump's hands are smaller than his respect for democracyMAGA - Morons Are Governing AmericaVeto the CheetoOrange lies matterICE is best crushed--EdPfluegerville, Texas, population 65000, north of Austin. Fabulous turnout. So much joy and love. Cars and pick ups honking for support as they drove passed. --NancyI was in New York City. It was a peaceful protest full of all kinds of New Yorkers.

1 week ago | borowitzreport.com | Andy Borowitz

The “crowd” that did show up could best be described using Stormy Daniels’s nickname for the birthday boy. Tiny. But here’s the shocking part: Trump’s only actual talent—a knack for putting on a TV show—failed him horribly. Here’s how John Ismay of the New York Times described what will go down in history as the most tedious military parade ever:“Overall this was a pretty listless and low-energy parade and crowd.

2 weeks ago | borowitzreport.com | Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s long-wished-for military parade was abruptly canceled on Saturday after it emerged that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth had inadvertently invited the Houthi rebels. Though Hegseth defiantly told reporters, “I did not text parade plans,” a mass invite from his Signal account was sent to the Houthis, Iran’s Supreme Leader, and The Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg.