The Daily Mash

The Daily Mash is a satirical online platform that features humorous, fictional articles. It's important to note that everything published is entirely made-up and should not be viewed as real news. Now that we have that clarified, let's move on. If you have questions about advertising, please reach out to [email protected]. The website was designed by OH Digital and is maintained by IG Projects. For any subscription-related questions, you can log into your Press Plus account by clicking here. To clarify, all editorial content found on The Daily Mash is the intellectual property of Mashed Productions Limited. The editorial images are provided by Press Association Images, Rex, and Thinkstock.

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A white home counties roadman is ghosted by da wasteman Heaster Bunny

1 week ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Josh Gardner |Anya Taylor-Joy

17th April 2025 FIFTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, has unfortunately not received any Easter eggs due to him being all grown-up now. WAGWAN? Heaster is here, fam. An’ it is usually da time to celebrate chocolate, but Active J is a gangsta crew bossman hadult now, bustin’ a peng goatee, innit. An’ da Heaster Bunny is only for toddlers, like dickhead Drilla. Yes, fam.
A confused millennial tries to… survive his fourth once-in-a-lifetime financial shitstorm

1 week ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Josh Gardner |Anya Taylor-Joy

14th April 2025 By Josh Gardner, who wisely put his savings in the Hawk Tuah memecoinANOTHER day, another L for the global economy. And not even Donald Trump can aura farm his way out of this one. Yes, thanks to retaliatory tariffs, the world is hurtling towards the fourth once-in-a-lifetime financial downturn in my youthful existence. And just like me, it’s getting old. You’d think I’d be downcast about eating yet another monetary shit sandwich, but honestly I don’t know any different.
A white home counties roadman has a beef wiv a bruv dat's met hactual Jamaican roadmen

1 month ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Josh Gardner

20th March 2025 FIFTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, goes hardcore roadman after being ridiculed by someone who has met the real thing. FAM! Early dis week a bruv bangs hinto Active J on him’s way to da hastroturf at break wiv mandem crew, an’ starts dissin’ man habout bein’ a fake roadman. You wot, bruv? Active J sed him ‘ad better hexplain wastemanself hyper-quick, or we is in a deep beef ting, innit.
A confused millennial tries to… prepare for the frontlines of World War Three

1 month ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Josh Gardner

17th March 2025 By Josh Gardner, who hopes the trenches have wi-fiA DARK cloud is rolling across Europe. We may not see it lit af again in our lifetimes. And I’m told it’s not long before my country will need me, a listless member of the socials generation welded to his phone skilled at delivering murderously funny memes, to fight Russia. I’m surprisingly okay at being packed off to Ukraine with a rifle. It’s a while since my last citybreak and season two of Severance isn’t gripping me.
Woman playfully tests new boyfriend by brutally criticising everything about him

1 month ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Nigel Farage

5th March 2025 A WOMAN is playfully seeing how her new boyfriend will react to a pitiless dissection of everything he is, enjoys, or hopes to be. Lauren Hewitt decided to have fun with new boyfriend Jack Browne by lightheartedly tearing down his appearance and all of his thoughts and actions with vicious intensity to see if he is worthy of being her long-term partner. She said: “Pushing a man to the limits of human patience is the best part of the honeymoon period.
You know what, maybe I'll concentrate on representing the people of Clacton

1 month ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Nigel Farage

5th March 2025 By Nigel Farage, Reform UK leader and member for ClactonAMERICA’S a bit of a no-go. Europe hates me. Best not mention Russia. It seems it is time to dedicate myself to the good people of Clacton. Yes, when your political career has, through no fault of your own, taken a few unexpected turns and all your positives become negatives, there’s always your constituency to fall back on.
Your astrological week ahead for February 22nd, with Psychic Bob

2 months ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Josh Gardner

22nd February 2025 Aries, March 21st–April 19thHard to imagine now, but in 1957 Peggy-Sue was the sexiest name. Just a seductive tempting slutty whore of a name. Taurus, April 20th–May 20thThe police caught the killer after they gathered the townspeople and said he was prone to overreact at the slightest provocation and had stupid hair. Gemini, May 21st–June 21stLibido, or libidon’t. There is no try.
A confused millennial tries to… join the populist Trump revolution

2 months ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Josh Gardner

17th February 2025 By Josh Gardner, who’s got MAGA FOMOLEFT-wing social justice politics is so Biden. Edgelord is the new woke. Right-wing extremism is blowing up in Europe and America. I had to get involved. For noobs, it used to be what cheugy boomers fought against in a war that was apparently the best one for offering the troops real moral choices. But now it’s back like mullets and boot-cuts and it’s great-grandad’s turn to be on the wrong side of history.
Seven classic expenses fiddles they can't touch you for. By Rachel Reeves

2 months ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Rachel Reeves

WE all like to supplement our salary with dodgy expense claims, but even a pro like me gets caught out sometimes. Stick to these classic scams and HR won’t be able to touch you. Blank cab receipts‘D’you want me to leave that blank?’ are the seven magic words every expenses scammer wants to hear. And sometimes cabbies will offer you some blank receipts as soon as you mention expenses.
There's only one way to deal with a bully - be their bitch. By Keir Starmer

2 months ago | thedailymash.co.uk | Keir Starmer

YOU may think schoolyard bullies have little to do with tariffs. But when Tommo Smith confronted me on my first day at ‘big school’, I learned a lesson which has stayed with me. Tommo wasted no time in demanding I give him my dinner money. Even aged 11, I knew that unless you stand up to a bully they will keep doing it. And failing to resist would be a huge blow to your self-respect. So I complied instantly. ‘Please don’t hurt me, Tommo,’ I sobbed.