newsthump.com

1 month ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

Finance experts today hailed Donald Trump’s handling of the US economy as the single largest philanthropic gesture of any modern day president. A statement from the IMF earlier today read, “Some naysayers had likened Trump’s economic policy to scrawling the word ‘Tariff’ with a crayon made of dog shit and posting it 2nd class to international allies – however, they have failed to see the bigger picture.

2 months ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

As one of the few who managed to buy Kanye West’s Swastika T-Shirt design before it was pulled from Shopify, Simon Williams expressed concern that once, again, the liberal media’s overreach would once again silence alternative viewpoints and vital countercultural spokesmen.

Jan 17, 2025 | newsthump.com | Neil Tollfree

When Jenny Grace got a kitten from the local rescue centre, she thought she might have to clean up the occasional mess behind the curtain and maybe get a cover for her sofa so it doesn’t get too scratched. Instead, she’s had to contend with the sacking of her living room and the emergence of the Mongol Steppe as a great power in the household. “Buttons was a lovely kitten. Friendly and playful, and ever so cute,” explained Jenny.

Jan 15, 2025 | newsthump.com | Nathan Cowley

It’s been revealed today that billionaire Mark Zuckerberg is so far up Donald Trump’s arse that he can see haemorrhoids forming inside the next US president’s rectum. Mark Zuckerberg has been seemingly cosying up to Trump in recent months, with his conglomerate Meta donating $1m to Trump’s inauguration. “At least I’m not lonely up here,” Zuckerberg told us from deep inside Trumps anal passage. “I have my old pal Jeff Bezos to keep me company.

Jan 14, 2025 | newsthump.com | Nathan Cowley

Former Scottish first minister Nicola Sturgeon has affixed a ‘Just divorced!’ banner to the back of the infamous SNP camper van, it’s been revealed today. Following the announcement that Nicola Sturgeon would be getting divorced from her long-term husband Peter Murrell, the couple are now in the process of dividing up their possessions. “He can keep The Krankies CDs,” Sturgeon told us. “But there’s no way he’s getting the Lord of the Rings extended editions Blu-ray box set.