newsthump.com

2 weeks ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

Following Bruce Springsteen’s recent comments on his UK tour disparaging Donald Trump, a large percentage of MAGA followers have expressed dismay as they felt duty-bound to immediately purge and burn all their Springsteen records.

3 weeks ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

Earlier today, plans were announced for a crackdown on immigration with a focus on English language skills being a key determinant in applying for settlement in the U.K. However, insiders at No10 hinted that the policy might receive a wider roll-out to include Staffordshire, Romney, Lancashire and several others wards. Specifically any council which recently changed leadership to Reform.

1 month ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

Scientists have been given a £50 million grant to spray Sulfate particles from planes in high atmosphere to try and reduce the amount of harmful rays from the sun making it to Earth, thus mitigating impending climate disasters. Simon Williams, a spokesman and technical researcher for the project, said, “Obviously, no one wants the Earth to turn into an uninhabitable hell-hole. But, equally obviously, no one wants to adjust their lifestyles even the slightest to prevent that happening.

1 month ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

After details emerged of a another catastrophic security breech from the U.S Defense Secretary’s office, pentagon officials have insisted Pete Hesgeth update his security settings to ensure his passwords include a capital and special character. It is hoped the new policy will help ensure that the names of undercover agents will now be written in a less noticeable shade of biro on Hesgeth’s hands, and prevent him spending over $500 per month on OnlyFans subscriptions.

2 months ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

Finance experts today hailed Donald Trump’s handling of the US economy as the single largest philanthropic gesture of any modern day president. A statement from the IMF earlier today read, “Some naysayers had likened Trump’s economic policy to scrawling the word ‘Tariff’ with a crayon made of dog shit and posting it 2nd class to international allies – however, they have failed to see the bigger picture.