newsthump.com

2 weeks ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

Scientists have been given a £50 million grant to spray Sulfate particles from planes in high atmosphere to try and reduce the amount of harmful rays from the sun making it to Earth, thus mitigating impending climate disasters. Simon Williams, a spokesman and technical researcher for the project, said, “Obviously, no one wants the Earth to turn into an uninhabitable hell-hole. But, equally obviously, no one wants to adjust their lifestyles even the slightest to prevent that happening.

3 weeks ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

After details emerged of a another catastrophic security breech from the U.S Defense Secretary’s office, pentagon officials have insisted Pete Hesgeth update his security settings to ensure his passwords include a capital and special character. It is hoped the new policy will help ensure that the names of undercover agents will now be written in a less noticeable shade of biro on Hesgeth’s hands, and prevent him spending over $500 per month on OnlyFans subscriptions.

2 months ago | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

Finance experts today hailed Donald Trump’s handling of the US economy as the single largest philanthropic gesture of any modern day president. A statement from the IMF earlier today read, “Some naysayers had likened Trump’s economic policy to scrawling the word ‘Tariff’ with a crayon made of dog shit and posting it 2nd class to international allies – however, they have failed to see the bigger picture.

Feb 14, 2025 | newsthump.com | Daniel Burt

As one of the few who managed to buy Kanye West’s Swastika T-Shirt design before it was pulled from Shopify, Simon Williams expressed concern that once, again, the liberal media’s overreach would once again silence alternative viewpoints and vital countercultural spokesmen.

Jan 17, 2025 | newsthump.com | Neil Tollfree

When Jenny Grace got a kitten from the local rescue centre, she thought she might have to clean up the occasional mess behind the curtain and maybe get a cover for her sofa so it doesn’t get too scratched. Instead, she’s had to contend with the sacking of her living room and the emergence of the Mongol Steppe as a great power in the household. “Buttons was a lovely kitten. Friendly and playful, and ever so cute,” explained Jenny.