Jonah Nink

1 month ago | chicagoreader.com | Jonah Nink

Over 1,400 pieces of public art in Illinois, 815 of which are in Chicago, are in limbo after the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) and the Trump administration downsized branches of the General Services Administration (GSA) responsible for preserving and maintaining a collection of over 26,000 government-owned artworks. GSA workers told the Washington Post that five regional offices had seen major cuts, and the organization expects another round of sweeping cuts in early May.

2 months ago | thehardtimes.net | Jonah Nink

CHICAGO — Local woman Wendy Sachs felt “incredibly lucky” to hear the worst cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” ever written by a human in her neighborhood Starbucks, confirmed sources who went to Dunkin’ Donuts instead. “I was enjoying the weird aftertaste of my venti iced coffee when the cafe music changed from the ‘Wicked’ soundtrack to a cover of ‘Dreams’ so bad that I momentarily forgot my mother’s face,” said Sachs.

2 months ago | thehardtimes.net | Jonah Nink

CHICAGO — Death Crack bassist Tim Bolz said he was “totally fine” with writing his own birthday post on the band’s Instagram page for the fifth year in a row, scene sources reported. “I already write everyone else’s birthday post so I may as well write mine too,” Bolz said while spending his fourth hour crafting the perfect message. “Plus, no one knows it’s me writing my own happy birthday post so I get to be extra nice to myself.

Mar 19, 2025 | thehardtimes.net | Jonah Nink

SAN FRANCISCO — Pop punk archaeologists uncovered shocking evidence that ancient Green Day fans boiled captives alive inside of hollow bronze statues of Tré Cool, East Bay sources reported. “We discovered human remains and melted nose piercings inside of a bronze statue of Tré at our Pinole dig site,” said chief UC Berkeley Pop Punk Anthropologist Dr. Tara Hernandez.

Feb 5, 2025 | thehardtimes.net | Jonah Nink

I had a hard year. I was laid off, lost my healthcare and my dog. My wife left me and took our kids and the house. Life has knocked me down, and I desperately need a win. It’s for this reason that I ask, no, beg you: please, please, please let me gatekeep The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh, you haven’t seen Rocky Horror? It might be too late for you; us Rocky Horror fans are an eclectic band of enthusiasts dedicated to celebrating the most influential rock opera of the last millenia.